Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Barbell Bicep Curls Versus My Balls



I detect cold steel hoisting my manhood upwards towards my throat.

Ruh roh!

Fret not. This risky exercise starting position would be of concern, however, I remembered that the sheer everythingness of my balls can even make adamantium seem softer than play-doh.


"Fuck yeah."

4 hours later...


"...Fuck yeah."

The following day en route to my Luchadore match...


"...Fuck yeah."

Years after my death...


Barbell bicep curls and manliness. That's swole life.



Saturday, July 18, 2015

Rapeseed Does Not Pillage

The rapeseed. Is it a real thing? And does it pillage as well? Or does it merely rape whilst leaving material items in possession of the victims as a keepsake?

This seed of rape, the rapeseed, is a real thing.



At first reading, I assumed Nabisco committed a typographical error on their Oreo cookies. Such irony, or so I thought. This food loaded with chemicals and sugars that rape our bodies' health seemingly made a mistake spelling grapeseed.

Oil. This foul ingredient, rapeseed is not a typo for grapeseed. It is indeed a real thing.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Happy 4th of Juluau, England

4th of July in Hawai'i = 4th of Juluau.

In proper spirit that no one else seems to be doing properly, and since I'm all about being proper, I just wanted to say this to England on 4th of July. But only because they always talk "mad shit" about us Americans and our lack of wit, accent, and class. Yeah England, I watch Masterpiece Theatre, you dicks. Really good shows this season, though. But yeah. Happy 4th, England!




Saved by the Hell

Saved by the grace of God.

Persecuted by His unofficial fan club, aka, the church.

This whole gay thing and marriage. You'd think that the people who love Jesus would remember the lesson He taught us on Easter.

People of earth persecuted, tormented, ridiculed, humiliated, inflicted pain upon, and rejected Jesus the Christ.

And this perfect being forgave them, anyway. That's huge. But we'll discuss that infinite power and His infinite ability to forgive another time. Today we talk about the gay marriage thing.

Most gays probably won't get married, anyway. Over years of protest, battling, and demanding rights, here's what I saw between the lines of the fight.


Acknowledgement and acceptance sought. Mission accomplished. That's all they wanted.

Knights of Sidonia Hints of Hentai

The anime "Knights of Sidonia" aired its second season on July 3, 2015. It introduced a new character made from gauna enna named, Tsumugi. I'm not an expert on Japanese, but if you asked me to translate that, I would guess "tsumugi" means something like giant pink penis tentacle.

Giant pink penis is in your Sidonian sewer system, belonging it to itself.

It almost seems like Disney did their dirty work on the sci-fi saga. An amateur might think that anyway. Disney differs from anime by attempting to subtly hide images of schlong in their animated features.

Ursula the Witch just wanted some D from Neptune. D does not stand for Disney in this case.

The priest in the Little Mermaid erecting his erection.
Ethically, I appreciate the anime because of its transparent display of phallic things. Knights of Sidonia's new character made fun of stereotypical genre defining themes, such as hentai-esque giant tentacles executing their will on everything it can.

Disney, however, attempts to sneak their perverted themes into an audience base largely consisting of children. These cartoon features roll out predictable, family oriented, "safe", happy-ending types of plots. The incongruity triggers my negative reaction more than the things themselves.

Might as well change their mascot to Pedobear with Mickey Mouse ears.






Monday, June 29, 2015

Weird World of Netflix

Netflix's front page on their website streams some Ken Burns image effect.

The content of the images weirded me out.

Weird Netflix Picture #1


Shocked. Shocked and scared. That's what this little boy's facial expression says.
Who knows what kind of material they're watching. I'm guessing little sis over there figured out a way to hack past the Kids safety menu and started streaming "nymphomaniac volume 1". The movie is about paralleling angling, aka fly fishing, to the lifestyle of a female nymphomaniac. Their family fishing trips will never be the same.

And what's with the creepy lady eavesdropping?


Is that mom? An older sister? And what are they doing? Big brother watches everything in lady's leggings? Creepy as hell, Netflix.

Weird Netflix Picture #2



Little daughter captivated by romcom selection a la mom. Meanwhile, mom digs her shoulder into what we can assume is dad's pancreas. Notice the entire family tilting left like a bunch of books on a bookshelf falling over.



And what's with the lovey puppy eyes with the dad and son? Is that even a boy? And is that even the dad? For all we know that could be "mommy's friend" that comes over when dad goes away for long business trips.

Notice in the far left of the picture a pillow cushion.



Normally we would assume such a cushion exists for the family dog. But no dog appears present in the photo, nor do any dog toys litter the living room near said cushion.

We can then reasonably assume that the cushion designates the area where that androgynous child must stay during watching films. See how he desperately climbs the arm of the sofa while mommy's friend attempts to fling the child back to the slave child cushion?

What a weird, dark world these Netflix watchers live in. Americans are fucked up.

Netflix Weirdness Picture #3



Nothing too weird here.

EXCEPT THAT WATCH LOOKS STOLEN.


That's your grandfather's watch that Christopher Walken's dad hid up his ass in World War 2, Butch.


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Saggiherpeus


"How do you know if you're infected with herpes?"

Ask yourself, "Did I sleep with a Sagittarius?"

There's your answer. And mine is, no, I have never slept with a Sagittarius.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Battlerope Kettlebell Anchor VS Giant Hawai'in Toad

Oahu rogue toad wins this time against kettlebells and battle ropes. A local told me that toads vomit up their guts and organs if something squishes them, then slurps everything back in after the squishing event. I haven't looked into whether or not toads in Hawai'i doing this is true or not. Let's find out.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

WOD Willpower Builder

"Yo, B, you gonna WOD with us today?"

Crossfit turned the acronym, WOD, or Workout Of [the] Day, into a verb, if you haven't noticed already. And the self-dubbed "athletes" know it shares the same namespace as its pornographic counterpart.

On day 1 of Crossfit, I WODDED with Diane, which as it turns out, tore down my muscles through negative catobolic mechanisms. But there's something to it we can takeaway that will build our willpower without destroying our bodies.

Diane WOD
  • 25 Deadlifts
  • 25 Handstand Pushups
  • 16 Deadlifts
  • 16 Handstand Pushups
  • 9 Deadlifts
  • 9 Handstand Pushups
I used 225 lbs. for deadlifts. It hurt. But the next day, my body didn't hurt. How?

Honestly, I attribute intermittent fasting and the 2000% increase in my body's growth hormone to the quick recovery than anything else (sorry, Crossfit, erm, Diane). My willpower, however, strengthened.

Crossfit workouts eventually broke down my body.

Squats Before 2 Weeks of Crossfit

5 sets of 315 lbs.

Squats After 2 Weeks of Crossfit

3 sets (barely) of 5 reps of 175 lbs.

My body deteriorated. The stress from the overuse of the same muscle groups and the same joints every day, overtrained my body. I did this for the sake of experimentation, no one convinced me or coerced me to try this or buy into it against my right to think for myself and make decisions).

My endurance dropped as well.

Mile Time Before 2 Weeks of Crossfit

5 minutes and 48 seconds.

Mile Time After 2 Weeks of Crossfit

Needed a break after getting to the track, then ran a mile in 7 minutes and 37 seconds.

However, my willpower increased substantially.

The absurd amount of repetitions in Crossfit workouts build the strength of willpower. We can takeaway that factor and put it into exercises that benefit our bodies. We can build our willpower by accomplishing a set task.

If we drop the ignorance of overtraining workouts, we can increase our willpower by doing a Filthy Fifty, or in my case, WOD with Diane.

Just take the formula of numbers, and plug in things you can do without breaking your body. Even if it's just snapping your fingers 25 times, then clapping 25 times. It's completing the task that augments our willpower.